Haunted

Norman Mclain the author of A River Runs Through It wrote:

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters.

I think he must have had the same longing I do.

Narcosis

This morning I dove with my friend Kam. A couple of years ago Kam got me out of a really bad bind, I was narc'ed out of my mind. That evening Kam and I dove to a place affectionately called Olive's Den. Olive was a female giant pacific octopus who laid her eggs in a den about 100ft deep, Here is her story.

My narcosis story is that on that evening I became very confused and disoriented. I knew I was in trouble but could not figure out how to get myself out of that situation. I was helpless. Kam realized I was in distress grabbed me by the arm and swam me to safety. When we ascended above 85ft the fog that blanketed my thoughts lifted.

After our dive to Olive's Den this morning I reminded Kam of that day. Kam does not think it was a big deal, but for me it was a very big deal to have a dive buddy who was aware. I have come to believe that people of Kam's character are one of the things I crave about diving.

Breath

No one has ever been able to breath underwater. Holding your breath underwater is the most basic of instincts. This instinct developed in mammals over hundreds of millions of years. This instinct is none other than the instinct to survive. Scuba diving allows us to breath underwater, something that goes against our survival instinct. This is the paradox of scuba diving.

Jellyfish

Last night I had an existential moment of sorts caused by a jellyfish.

You know how jellyfish have this beautiful rhythmic swimming motion as they are carried aloft by the current? The one I saw last night swam in a defective manner. That is when I realized, here is this beautiful creature born of the sea looking almost as much out of its element as I sometimes feel underwater.

Sometimes we have good days and sometimes we have bad days; this is as true for us as it is for jellyfish.

Hello, my name is Raul and I am a dive junkie

Depression - a state of sadness marked by an inability to concentrate

Anxiety - a state of restlessness or agitation

Craving - an intense desire for a particular thing

Depression, anxiety and craving are symptoms of withdrawal syndrome. This is exactly how I feel when I do not dive. I imagine I crave diving much like a heroin addict craves smack.

• I admit I have this affliction and I have no control over my feelings.
  
• I take comfort in the fact that there are others just like me.
  
• I admit that I have let other parts of my life interfere with diving.
  
• I promise to help others who may also suffer from this same condition.